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On the Return of the Sun
Dec. 25th, 2018 07:34 amSo, I have mixed feelings about Christmas. On the one hand, I grew up Catholic, and celebrating Christmas was a pretty big thing in our house. We weren't super Catholic, mind, but we did still abstain from meat during Lent and go to church every Sunday (unless someone was sick), and Christmas was as much about the birth of Christ as it was about Santa coming during the night. I mean, my favorite Christmas special was The Little Drummer Boy.
But the thing is, I'm now agnostic. I still occasionally pray to saints, and I'm thinking of exploring paganism at some point, but I'm not Christian, and I'm definitely not Catholic. Even my family's kind of sliding into agnosticism. The last holdout was Dad, and he doesn't go to church on Sundays anymore. Christmas is much more a reason to gather with family (or at least my mom's side, since they're the ones in Colorado). And that's great! There's a lot of food, everyone winds up hanging out at some aunt or uncle's house for half the day, and we play board games and chat. It's still a meaningful holiday for me.
Outside of those family gatherings, though, it just doesn't feel as meaningful. Hearing fluffy Christmas songs with no meaning behind them beyond "yay I guess it's Christmas now let's buy shit" doesn't exactly fill my heart with joy, and it feels weird to give such weight to a holiday that's no longer properly religious. Insisting people say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays" and trying to "keep the Christ in Christmas" doesn't make much sense to me when my main experience of it is no longer lighting the last Advent candle and singing "Joy to the World" with at Mass.
There's no real point to this post. It's just a collection of thoughts that have been building up inside me, and I figured Christmas morning was the right time to unleash them. Whatever and however you celebrate, I hope it's joyous.
But the thing is, I'm now agnostic. I still occasionally pray to saints, and I'm thinking of exploring paganism at some point, but I'm not Christian, and I'm definitely not Catholic. Even my family's kind of sliding into agnosticism. The last holdout was Dad, and he doesn't go to church on Sundays anymore. Christmas is much more a reason to gather with family (or at least my mom's side, since they're the ones in Colorado). And that's great! There's a lot of food, everyone winds up hanging out at some aunt or uncle's house for half the day, and we play board games and chat. It's still a meaningful holiday for me.
Outside of those family gatherings, though, it just doesn't feel as meaningful. Hearing fluffy Christmas songs with no meaning behind them beyond "yay I guess it's Christmas now let's buy shit" doesn't exactly fill my heart with joy, and it feels weird to give such weight to a holiday that's no longer properly religious. Insisting people say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays" and trying to "keep the Christ in Christmas" doesn't make much sense to me when my main experience of it is no longer lighting the last Advent candle and singing "Joy to the World" with at Mass.
There's no real point to this post. It's just a collection of thoughts that have been building up inside me, and I figured Christmas morning was the right time to unleash them. Whatever and however you celebrate, I hope it's joyous.
